Growth Reflection by Kit

#GROWTH

For those who don’t want, or have time for, the story of how we discovered Bree and just want to sign up for our Growth event - details and registration can be found here.

For the rest, our topic of choice for September’s event is growth. We chose this because Denise and I are dedicated to self-reflection and growth as people, in our careers, and for SunnySunday.

Bree Le Roux our guest speaker, has acted as a personal coach for both of us and we’re excited to share this special woman with you.

I am Kit, co-Founder of SunnySunday and I’m going to do my thing, a story of reflection and growth so that you understand how special this event is to me…

Everyone’s story is different. Bree is trained to help personal and professional growth challenges, small to big. To some my story may seem extreme, to others it might seem a walk in the park versus what you have been, or are going, through. But it certainly didn’t feel like it for a while there…  

I was in a pattern of giving too much of myself to every-one and -thing I could in search of validation and love that had been lost or taken from me across some tough stages of my life that I don’t need to delve into today. Lacking self-worth, meant I also lacked boundaries. I felt enormous guilt saying no to things or standing up for myself if people took that selflessness for granted or treated me less than ok. Which you can imagine the type of people or relationship traits that attracts.  This was a recipe for disaster, I felt used and burnt-out, I had been imploding for around two years, ended up losing someone I loved very much and didn’t want to lose and then exploded. My glass broke into a gazillion pieces which spilt into a cocktail of very dark feelings and thoughts. A mixture of victim laying blame on others and big dashes of self-loathing and -pity at how I could have let myself get to that point. I was not ok.

Up until and during some of this I would say I had been relatively “successful”, put myself through university, travelled the world for work and leisure, was part of growing a company double in size, renovated my own home, tight group of friends, close family, yada yada. Squeaky clean from the outside, right? But I had a series of traumatic things happen in a short amount of time and I didn’t have the skills yet to get through it effectively. I was exhausted. I owe A LOT to my parents and some of my friends, but to truly get myself up out of that hole was beyond their scope and not really something I wanted them to carry for me any longer and I couldn’t go on the way I was.

I stumbled across Bree’s Instagram, saw she was doing some mental health workshops within well-known corporate head offices, and decided to book a session. I read the word Coach and thought “­oh cool, she can help motivate me, set some schedules and goals, help me break some habits.” But holey shit! After that first session, I realised very quickly the self-work I needed to do if I wanted to achieve real growth and become this better version of me. She held some kind of mirror up to me that day and the reflection showed that I wasn’t treating myself the way I deserve to be treated, I am SO kind to people around me I would go to great lengths to make sure everyone around me was ok, yet hadn’t been sharing that kindness with myself.  

The first step was the biggest “positive self-talk” which goes hand in hand with self-forgiveness, -love, -worth and -compassion. Game changers for those of us who lack them. Bree repeated back to me some of the things I would say about myself and I was shocked – it wasn’t kind at all – I was constantly trying to bring others up while tearing myself down. I now practise self-care and -love. I have also participated in her relationship course via Zoom during lockdown, we’ve worked on boundary setting (I’m signed up to Bree’s Boundaries Zoom workshop this month as a refresher, if anyone wants to join me I’d love to see familiar faces ADDED a reflection from this workshop here), and now we’re moving into confidence and leadership. How is that for progress? We literally sit in our less-frequent-these-days Zoom chats reflecting on how I approach things with comments like “wowah old Kit vs new Kit – I feel like a completely different person” and laugh and I just have this immense sense of gratitude and pride.  Bree has coached me through a complete re-wire of my thinking and seen big personality shifts. It’s taken practise, slowing myself down and dedication. I know I have work to do, I sometimes slip back into some of those habits, no one is EVER perfect, and I also want to keep learning and expanding too, that’s part of who I am. But I am so thankful for Bree because I now have the tools to keep growing, and because I’m all about being kind to myself these days, I’m proud of myself for investing in this growth – it was worth it, WE are ALL worth it.

That “kind” (constantly get called this) person Kit still exists, but she comes with healthier boundaries, intentions and self-respect. It’s so cool for me to be able to live and see these changes every day! I used to feel like people treated me like a doormat, but I realised I was treating myself like the doormat and of course that will attract dirt and being walked over. Knowing my worth, brings me good people and gains me more respect and those who don’t respect me either don’t get me or get told where the boundary sits because I have my own back these days. To keep it metaphorical, these days I’m the door, and I control when and for who I want to open or close on, or maybe you’ll get a friendly chat on the doorstep while I figure that out for myself too. I love meeting people and bringing love and light into people’s lives. That’s who I am, and I love that and many other things about myself.

This won’t be the same challenge others face, I know that. But this is the story of growth and significant change in me.  And if there’s anyone still reading, my new saying is “there is no better investment than yourself” – sound selfish? (old Kit would have thought so) it’s not, I learnt the hard way that you’re no good to anyone if you’re not good to yourself. It all stems from there. You can’t put a value on quality of LIFE, good relationships, self-worth, achieving and noticing growth. These things give us purpose, help us help others, and I truly believe they help us grow in all areas of our life.

I have at least four other friends who now see Bree with completely different sized and shaped challenges and we ALL rave about her – she works with males and females btw. You can check Bree’s YouTube channel if you’re interested, I particularly liked the Human Adversity series when I was facing my own patch of adversity. This helped put things into perspective and gain common humanity which is a crucial element of empathy and healing. But she also does regular shorter, day-to-day living tips too.

@sunnysundaynz on September 13th, Bree will give a presentation on #GROWTH. We bring you this because we want to see everyone around us grow and prosper too – YOU deserve it, WE ALL deserve it. See you there, link in our events page.  

Kit (left) and Denise (right) co-Founders of SunnySunday. Photo by Dyego Cortinas

Bree Le Roux ahead of filming for her YouTube Human Experience series.

Photo taken at our most recent SunnySunday event #CREATIVEGOOD. Photo by Dyego Cortinas